We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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