I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
