no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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