Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
