dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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