you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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