so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
