Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
