dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
