I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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