Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
