i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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