I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
