at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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