im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
