Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
