I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
