I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
