loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
