yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
even my farts smell like vagina
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
