I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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