Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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