i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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