There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
