you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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