What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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