I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
