I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
