Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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