I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
