I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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