Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
