he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
