somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
