The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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