Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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