i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
