You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
