I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
