He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
