onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
