I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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