My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
