You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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