she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
