I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
