the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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