Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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