Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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