We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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