I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
