really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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