You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
